I am, as all parents are, concerned about how my kids see life, and what they believe they are entitled to in this life. We try to take good care of them, making sure all their physical, emotional and spiritual needs are met, but how much is too much to give them? Lynsey just had her 5th birthday party, and it was the first "real" party we've had for her where her friends came over and gave her gifts. I was a bit resistant to this idea, because I worry about her getting too much "stuff" and what that will make her think she "needs". I toyed with the idea of making her give her gifts from her friends to Salvation Army's "Toy Mountain", but Brian didn't think that was fair to make a 5 year old do (and after some thought, I agreed).
This brings me to the reason for this post, which is a bit different from most of my posts. I have been feeling a bit like Lynsey has been getting quite caught up in the whole "gimme gimme" spirit that comes along with getting a bunch of stuff for her birthday and then having Christmas coming right up after it. So, I told her on Sunday that we were going to pick up some shoe boxes and make up a few presents for a little girl and a little boy from a poor country that wouldn't be getting much for Christmas this year. I naively thought that she would be thrilled to go shopping for a poor little girl, especially since she loves to pray for and make pictures for our sponsored child in Mexico that's her age.
I was wrong.
She whined the whole time we were shopping about how she didn't want to give any "fun things" away, she just wanted to keep them. I was a bit caught off guard by this blatantly "ungrateful" attitude, but I thought that she would see the light soon enough. Every time I have tried to bring up giving this gift away, she has turned pouty and upset, saying she doesn't want to give any toys to anyone. I don't understand! She seems okay to give birthday gifts away - why is this so different?? I have explained to her that she will still be getting Christmas gifts and this is just something extra we are doing to make another little girl happy, but it seems nothing I can say gets through to her.
Am I overreacting? Is this normal for a 5 year old? Brian certainly isn't as concerned as I am, so maybe I am overreacting and she'll be fine. I have never thought that we spoiled her unnecessarily - she has nice things, but I hardly ever buy her anything "just because", and I never buy any candy or anything she asks for at the grocery store (they do always get a free cookie from the bakery, so maybe that's why this isn't an issue??). I have tried really hard to make sure she's not spoiled, but maybe I've failed.
After a lengthy conversation this morning about poor people and how they often don't even have enough food or a proper house to live in, she concluded that we should be buying them all houses and food for sure.
But she STILL does NOT want to give away that shoe box with $35 - $40 worth of fun stuff in it. Go figure.
What do you think?
4 comments:
We tried to do shoe boxes as well and had a similar reaction (last year with our 5 year old). I think the problem for us is that I rarely let my children pick out things for themselves at the store (I usually pick things out then give it to them a gift) once I allowed my kids to pick out something for themselves they were a lot better with picking out something for someone else. Don't know if that helps.
Spencer's lack of sharing has always been around food. Didn't want us to hand out hallowe'en treats...share his snack etc even when i clearly brought enough to share. Someone told me it was because he was an only child at that point but he would share other things so I don't think so. Kids are funny!
I just did the same thing with Kirra. We went to the store to pick out some gifts for a shoebox for a girl her age. She was upset at first that none of the gifts were for her but then kind of got into picking the items...but then got mad again and then got over it. I think it is probably pretty normal for young kids to feel this way. The whole idea is that we are TEACHING them to think about others.
this seems pretty normal to me! Lennon liked picking things out but he still thought he should get something too :)
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