My Princess turned 5!

Well, the last few weeks have been busy and filled with fun and dealing with yucky colds all at the same time! All of us have been hit with varying intensities, and this time, my super-immunity did not hold up and I am hacking up a storm! Lynsey seems to be fine now, and both Adam and Nathan have had symptoms come and go over the last few weeks. Not a lot of fun! Nathan has been quite needy and miserable a lot of the time, which I attributed to his cold, but today Brian noticed that he has a new tooth on the top! It's not one of the front ones either - a side one. Odd. Anyway, good to know we got a tooth for all the misery! He has also been moving all over the place, exploring the main floor with his army crawl. I am starting to wonder if he will ever figure out crawling on his hands and knees! I guess I read him wrong:).

Lynsey had a big week! On Wednesday, she went trick-or-treating for the first time:). And on Saturday, we had her big 5th birthday bash! It was a lot of fun, but quite a lot of work for me. I don't think we'll do such big shindigs every year. I'm glad she had fun, though! She was apparently quite tired of being 4, so turning 5 was a big relief:).

Adam is doing really well in preschool! They are even getting him to join them for circle time sometimes, which is something I have a hard time imagining. He has also made it through Sunday School without me for two weeks in a row! I attribute this success to preschool - it has helped him a lot with transitions.

I am going to tell a story of something that happened to me today, even though it was a bit of an embarrassing moment. I learned something and it made me think, which is why I will share it! We had a big dump of snow here today, and roads were not the best. I took Lynsey to Kindergarten with the toboggan, but that was a lot of work so I decided when I picked her up, I would drive. I had both boys with me (we kept Adam home from preschool today because he's been a bit sick). I left so that I would be there 25 minutes before the bell rang in hopes to get a spot where I could see Lynsey's door and just leave the boys in the van when I went to get her. When I got there, the only spot left was halfway into the bus zone. I decided to take it anyway because I was desperate. I parked really close to the van in front of me (I did not realize how close at the time!). I took Nathan out of the car seat and gave him his bottle and let Adam play in the driver's seat while we waited. He was "driving" away, turning the wheel, which must have inched us forward ever so slightly in these very slippery conditions. The woman in front of us got out of her van and looked at the space between our vans and started waving her arms. I was still giving Nathan his bottle but I got out and she was gesturing at the bumper and I looked and sure enough, our bumpers were indeed touching. She said she had felt a bump (which is what lead me to the conclusion that something Adam was doing must have moved the van forward ever so slightly because she felt it long after I parked). I apologized profusely and told her I would back up so we could see if there was any damage. I was pretty flustered as you can imagine, trying to get the boys back in their car seats so I could deal with this, and when I backed up, we observed that there was indeed no damage (PHEW!). I apologized again and explained what must have happened and that I was trying to get as far out of the bus zone as I could (I was rambling a bit - I do that when I'm flustered or nervous) but I said I was sorry several times.

The reason I write about this is because of how this whole thing made me feel. When she first got out and saw that our bumpers were touching, she looked so disgusted with me - I felt like the world's biggest idiot (to be fair, I did just "hit" a parked car, so maybe that's what I was!). She waved her arms at Adam sitting in the driver's seat, adding to that feeling, "world's worst mother". She did lighten up considerably when she saw that there was no damage (although she did try to point out some black mark way over on the side where I clearly did not hit her, but she didn't pursue it when I pointed out where the bumpers touched). By the end she wasn't as mad anymore, although when I apologized for the last time, she just said, "well, be careful" or something like that.

This experience taught me something. I felt sick for about 2 hours after this happened (it didn't help that Adam had a grade A tantrum when we got home for who knows what). I was humiliated, and to make matters worse, I see her every day because her kid is in Lynsey's class! It made me think of how much grace I give to people. How do I make other people feel when they make mistakes? Do I humiliate people unknowingly because of my reaction (or most often over-reaction)? How much grace do I give my own family?

I do want to cut this lady some slack - like I said, I did hit her parked car so she had every right to be annoyed about it. I will say that back when I had that accident when the van was new over three years ago, the lady I dealt with was so gracious, and I will never forget how much easier her grace made that whole awful experience. I want to be the person that makes someone feel better not worse when they make a mistake. The last thing someone who's made a mistake needs is someone else to make them feel like crap - they probably already feel that way. I know I did today.

Settling in. Change is good!

Well, things have changed a lot in the last few weeks! Adam is doing really well in preschool - every day he seems to be adjusting better. That first day (the day I blogged about) was an exhausting day for him. He came home and just lay on the floor - hardly moved. I could tell he was thoroughly spent. The preschool teachers are telling us that he is now occasionally joining them for a few minutes of circletime, which is something I thought would take months! He loves the bus and has no problem at all getting on - this helps me feel a lot better about sending him off to school every day. Today he was talking about "washing hands before snack" and he was singing "Good job Adam" in a tune that we never sing to him in. So he is picking things up from preschool, I'm just hoping that one day soon he will actually tell us about his day when we ask! Who knows how far away that is:).

Lynsey had her first school dance yesterday! She was so excited about it, there was no way we were going to get out of going:). I went alone with her and she had so much fun! She was dancing up a storm! It was great to see her be so confident and just let go and have fun. I hope and pray she never loses that, that she doesn't start caring too much about what other people think. She is an independent girl for sure!

I have to tell a story of something that happened about three weeks ago (I forgot to mention it in my last post). We were at Market Mall having lunch in the food court, when out of the blue, Lynsey blurts out, "I've noticed that some people have really big bums." It was so matter-of-fact - we were stunned! I reacted immediately telling her she shouldn't say that, it was rude, but Brian was much more composed and didn't over react - after all, she was merely making an observation. She didn't think it was rude! He explained to her how people come in all shapes and sizes and that it wasn't polite to point it out when someone was a bit bigger. She just shrugs and says, "Maybe I'll have a big bum when I'm older." Well, Lynsey, based on your physique now, that is looking highly unlikely! I hope so for your sake, anyway:).

Nathan has been teething and had a cold and hasn't been the best sleeper lately. His nights are still okay, but the napping is horrendous! It is so frustrating! He never used to cry when it was time to go to sleep, but he's started doing that now, and he sometimes wakes up after only 20 minutes! I am hoping desperately that he outgrows this phase. He is STILL not crawling, although his army crawl has gotten much better and he gets around a lot quicker now! You have to watch what is in his vicinity now because he can get to where he wants to go!

I want to do an update on my weight loss - PRE-PREGNANCY, BABY!!:) I was stuck at this one weight (about 6 pounds over pre-pregnancy) for a loonnnggg time, but I kept working out and not giving up. A few weeks ago, I lost about 3 more pounds, so I had 3 to go before we went to La Crete. I thought for sure I would have gained while we were in La Crete, but I stayed the same. Things got really busy with Adam in preschool and managing a new schedule, so I let working out fall by the wayside a bit. What happens? I lose the last 3 pounds (and then another one - most mornings I am a pound under pre-pregnancy now!). Moral of the story? Stop working out and you'll lose weight haha!:) I know that's not really true, and I'm annoyed at myself for not being as regular lately as I really notice how much harder it is when I do it every 4 or 5 days instead of every 2 to 3 days. I will get back on track, I am just less motivated now that I've reached my goal weight. Maybe I can just lessen the intensity and make it more fun, thus making me dread it less:).

A hard day

This morning, we had our meeting with the Early Childhood Development team that has been working with Adam. In summary, they feel he is on the Autism Spectrum (although they don't make the official diagnosis - the Pediatrician will do that). We knew this was coming, and it actually wasn't as hard of a meeting as I thought it might be. I think that time has really prepared us to hear these words, and it's not like we didn't already know in our hearts anyway. I'm still sad, especially as we start to think of the implications this will have for his future, but I know we are doing everything we can for him and really what more can we do? They can't really tell us much about his prognosis for his future because it depends so much on how he responds to intervention, but they did say that the fact that he has language is a very good sign. I don't feel hopeless. Sad, yes, but certainly not hopeless.

As if that wouldn't be emotionally draining enough for one day, we also sent Adam to preschool on the bus for the first time today. I went with him again yesterday because it was a training day for parents, so he was in the class by himself but I dropped him off and picked him up. He apparently did okay, screamed for a while but recovered. Today, the bus came by to pick him up. He did completely fine - I don't think he really realized what was happening, but he likes driving places so he seemed to settle right into his car seat. He's been there now for about half an hour and I just called (I had to know!) and they said he was fine right when he came in, but he was now upset. By all accounts, this isn't unusual, especially for his first day coming on the bus without his Mommy, but it's hard not being there for him:(. I do take solace in the fact that he is with highly trained people that care about what happens to him and want to help him. Also, it's not like things would be that much better if I was there - he just screams anyway! This way, I can get out of the way and let them build trust and a relationship with him.

I was not sad when Lynsey went to Kindergarten, but this is a much larger transition for me - for all of us! Lynsey was crying after he left because she desperately wanted Adam to be in HER Kindergarten class. Also, she wanted to go on the bus, too, but I like to think that she loves her brother and feels some protectiveness over him as well:).

Nathan is asleep, I don't have to go get Lynsey until 3pm . . . all is quiet. All in all, I feel peace knowing that Adam is where he needs to be right now, and how much more patience and energy I will (hopefully!) have for him when he walks through that door this afternoon! I haven't had many chances to miss him so far in his life, but I know that this week I will really be noticing his absence.

This is quite a melancholy post! I hope that as the weeks and months go by, every post I write about Adam will be increasingly hopeful and optimistic. I refuse to despair about his future - God is in control of this, and all we can do is all we can do!:)

My little boy is going to preschool!

Well, I feel like a lot has happened in the last few weeks! I always feel like that, but this time, a lot really has happened! Adam is registered in preschool! I'll get to the details, but first I have to talk about our trip to La Crete last weekend.

Thursday was a busy day. I had heard from our youth pastor's wife about a school called New Heights that has a preschool program for kids with special needs, and decided to go check it out while Lynsey was at gymnastics. So I dropped her off and made my way over there (getting lost of course - wouldn't be an adventure without that!) and had a peek at the classroom and asked a few questions. They seemed really friendly and they had a spot in the afternoon class, so Brian and I had some stuff to think over on our trip to La Crete. We left for Edmonton around 1:30 and got there around 4. We let the kids run around for an hour and then had some supper before we got on the road. At 5:30 we were on our way. It was a fairly uneventful trip at the beginning, and at Whitecourt, we got all the kids ready for bed in the hopes that they would just go to sleep until we got to La Crete. This was all fine and good until we got to Peace River at 10:45pm and they all woke up. They were all awake until we got to La Crete at 1:40am. This sounds horrendous, and it had it's moments, but surprisingly they didn't cry and complain that much - Lynsey was actually our biggest frustration! They didn't want to sleep when we got to Mom and Dad's either - too worked up I guess! I was a bit tired the next day, but the kids all got caught up right away so it wasn't too bad:). I visited some friends on Friday, and then we had our two weddings on Saturday and Sunday. Brian tried to come on Saturday to the outdoor wedding with Adam, but they ended up just going home because it wasn't working. We did all attend the reception on Sunday, though - and it went really well! Lynsey had a great time playing with friends and cousins - she really enjoys these trips:). I had a great time, too. It's always nice to hang out and spend time with family! We drove back to Edmonton Monday afternoon (took Red Earth - a bit sketchy at times, but we made it!) and stayed in Edmonton overnight so the trip got split up. All in all, I would call it a success and I'm glad we did it!

Since we've been back, we have been consumed with Adam's preschool - I talked to a few different places, but no one seemed as open and able to accommodate us as New Heights school. It's pretty far away, but they are able to provide bussing on the way there (Brian would be able to leave work early to go pick him up every day). I took him there on Thursday afternoon to see how he liked it, and he screamed for an hour. I'm not exaggerating. It was very discouraging. I didn't want to give up, and the teachers and aids were very understanding (they told me that they all do this at the beginning, but I have such a hard time imagining anyone being that bad!). So, we stuck it out! After an hour he calmed down and went into coma mode for about half an hour where he just lays down and recovers. He started perking up a bit after that and even played for a while. By the time we left, he was quite enjoying his time (although he had no protests about leaving!). Yesterday, I went with him again - this time, he walked in and started playing right away! What a relief! I don't know that I could have handled a repeat of Thursday. There was a hiccup when we had to leave the park. Normally when we leave the park, there's something fun waiting for him, like a tricycle ride or a wagon ride, but this time, we just walked away. It took him a long time to recover. He went back into screaming mode, but this time only for about half an hour. Small victories! On Monday, they are having a training day with the parents, so I'm taking him again (or Brian - we haven't decided) so he'll be in the classroom alone, and on Tuesday, we're going to send him on the bus! I can't believe I'm going to send my not even three year old on a bus!! That is going to be a struggle for me. But I can't drive him there every day - it wouldn't work with Lynsey's kindergarten, and it's just way too much driving. He will like the bus - he goes into "car seat mode" and does fine on drives (he was my star traveler on the way to La Crete!). I never cried sending Lynsey to Kindergarten, but this is going to be a hard week for me. Adam is so special, and so young for me to be letting him go every afternoon! But this is not about me, and I won't be selfish and hold on to him. I'm glad I had the chance to spend a few days in the class so I could see how they run their program, and they really are so great with those kids. They have them on such good schedules, they don't even cry from one transition to another (they assured me that eventually Adam wouldn't either, but I have to see that to believe it!). I will keep you all posted on how our first week goes!

Also on Tuesday (big day for us!) we are meeting with the therapists that have been doing Adam's assessments, so we'll know more about the Autism diagnosis.

On to Nathan! He is still not crawling! And his naps have been terrible lately (although he's been sleeping 12.5 hour nights, so I guess I can't complain too much!). Everyone's had a mild cold since we were in La Crete, too, so that's probably a factor.

Scary times, challenging times, good times:)

It's only been 10 days since I posted, but I feel like a whole lot has happened in that time! I did my last post Friday, September 21st in the afternoon, and that very evening, Brian started feeling numbness on one side of his face. His tongue had been feeling funny all day, but he didn't think much of it until it spread to his face. He called HealthLink around 7:30pm and they told him to go to the hospital immediately because he could be having a stroke. And so began our adventure-filled weekend! Thankfully, it was not a stroke (he had a CT scan as soon as he got there) but he did have to stay overnight because they wanted to do an MRI in the morning. Brian's parents came down to watch the kids on Saturday morning so I could stay with Brian at the hospital. They actually did two MRI's and his brain was fine (the second was to check on this spot they had seen on his cerebellum, but it turned out to be nothing). The doctor concluded that Brian had Bell's Palsy, which is a nerve condition that usually goes away on it's own. He was released around supper time. He did go back in on Monday because it was still getting slightly worse and the doctor prescribed some Prednisone. There has been some improvement over the last week, which is great - Brian is really looking forward to having his sense of taste back, though!:)

So that was an adventure. Of course we are really thankful that it wasn't anything more serious - life could have drastically changed for us in a matter of hours! Crazy to think of it, so thankful that it didn't happen.

Lynsey has been learning lots in school! She learned about Terry Fox and how he had a metal leg that was too heavy so he couldn't finish his race, and then she also seems to have picked up somewhere that he was buried underground when he died. We've talked to her about death before and how people go to heaven etc., but she was not impressed to hear that you had to go underground first! We tried to explain that you DO go to heaven, just not your body and that God would give us new bodies, but she wasn't buying that so easily. She was so scared, that poor girl! She even put it together that she might die before us, and who would take care of her in heaven?? I love having a smart little girl, but you can't just give her Sunday School answers! Anyway, we haven't talked about it since that night so hopefully she's satisfied with our answers! She also took home a library book about a little Native girl that was about to be taken away from her family and sent to a Residential School - try explaining that moment of glory in Canadian history! Luckily she didn't question it too much and seemed happy enough to know that it didn't happen anymore:).

Nathan is rocking away on his hands and knees these days! He can't move his hands yet, but his knees sometimes jump forward and he'll do a face plant, making him quite upset, poor kid. He definitely wants to get moving, but we're not sure when he'll put two and two together and coordinate into a crawl. He hasn't been as interested in his bottles lately, but continues to love his food! We're giving him some table food, and I would think by 8 or 9 months he'll probably be on mostly table food (although I hope he keeps liking baby food, because it's convenient to be able to feed them that sometimes!). He has been such a great sleeper lately! In the last week I've only gone to him once or twice, and that was after 6:30am (we like to make sure he sleeps until at least 7 so if he makes noise before then, I quickly go give him his soother). He has been sleeping 7-7 pretty consistently, and usually he only wakes up around 7:20 or 7:30am. Great little sleeper! I'm officially declaring that he's sleeping through the night at the age of 7 months, and I will hope that it will not come back to bite me!

Adam had his speech assessment last Monday - it went as well as I thought it would. He screamed that he wanted to get out of the room, and so the speech therapist said we could go for a walk to a park, which we did. He calmed down and played and she asked me a million questions. She called me back yesterday with the results, that he is delayed and qualifies for Program Unit Funding (special funding from the government for kids with delays). Our original plan was to wait and send him to preschool next year, but we are seriously considering moving that up to immediately. The other supports that are available to us could take between 6 and 12 months to access - we decided we should do SOMETHING for him now instead of just waiting and waiting while he is at such a teachable age. We aren't exactly sure what this will look like for him, but we are exploring our options. We feel so strongly that he IS so teachable and learns when you work on things with him, and he would benefit so much from having someone that knows what they're doing working with him on a regular basis! I fear that him being in the system as a "special needs" child will make people look past what a wonderful little boy he is and see him as a problem that needs to be solved, but I won't let that stand in the way of us getting him the help he needs. He is so "normal" in so many ways! He loves to be tickled and be wrestled by Daddy, he loves to be outside, he loves to put hats on his head and just laugh at how funny they are . . . I am hoping and praying that this therapy will draw out that part of him that he really wants to express to us, but he just doesn't have the skills to do it right now.

So do we have a lot going on right now? Yes, but isn't that what life is all about?:) We are leaving for La Crete on Thursday and I am praying that the trip goes well! Our first trip with all three kids - could be interesting! I can't wait to be up there and spend some time with family, and I know Lynsey is excited, too!