A hard day

This morning, we had our meeting with the Early Childhood Development team that has been working with Adam. In summary, they feel he is on the Autism Spectrum (although they don't make the official diagnosis - the Pediatrician will do that). We knew this was coming, and it actually wasn't as hard of a meeting as I thought it might be. I think that time has really prepared us to hear these words, and it's not like we didn't already know in our hearts anyway. I'm still sad, especially as we start to think of the implications this will have for his future, but I know we are doing everything we can for him and really what more can we do? They can't really tell us much about his prognosis for his future because it depends so much on how he responds to intervention, but they did say that the fact that he has language is a very good sign. I don't feel hopeless. Sad, yes, but certainly not hopeless.

As if that wouldn't be emotionally draining enough for one day, we also sent Adam to preschool on the bus for the first time today. I went with him again yesterday because it was a training day for parents, so he was in the class by himself but I dropped him off and picked him up. He apparently did okay, screamed for a while but recovered. Today, the bus came by to pick him up. He did completely fine - I don't think he really realized what was happening, but he likes driving places so he seemed to settle right into his car seat. He's been there now for about half an hour and I just called (I had to know!) and they said he was fine right when he came in, but he was now upset. By all accounts, this isn't unusual, especially for his first day coming on the bus without his Mommy, but it's hard not being there for him:(. I do take solace in the fact that he is with highly trained people that care about what happens to him and want to help him. Also, it's not like things would be that much better if I was there - he just screams anyway! This way, I can get out of the way and let them build trust and a relationship with him.

I was not sad when Lynsey went to Kindergarten, but this is a much larger transition for me - for all of us! Lynsey was crying after he left because she desperately wanted Adam to be in HER Kindergarten class. Also, she wanted to go on the bus, too, but I like to think that she loves her brother and feels some protectiveness over him as well:).

Nathan is asleep, I don't have to go get Lynsey until 3pm . . . all is quiet. All in all, I feel peace knowing that Adam is where he needs to be right now, and how much more patience and energy I will (hopefully!) have for him when he walks through that door this afternoon! I haven't had many chances to miss him so far in his life, but I know that this week I will really be noticing his absence.

This is quite a melancholy post! I hope that as the weeks and months go by, every post I write about Adam will be increasingly hopeful and optimistic. I refuse to despair about his future - God is in control of this, and all we can do is all we can do!:)